Sacrilegious Easter?

I went to see the 'No Greater Love' Easter pageant at a nearby church.

Plays and pageants involving Jesus always make me feel faintly uncomfortable. A bit like blasphemy is going on right in front of me, and if I don't keep an iron control on myself I might accidentally join it.

From the time I was about 14 and I participated in a showing of 'The Tree' to Friday night, whenever my emotional strings are pulled by music or movie or whatever, I can feel myself tense up and my heart becomes a rock.

(For those of you who don't know, 'The Tree' is a play or impressionistic pageant portraying Eve / humankind being tempted by a tree / Satan / various demons. There is a Jesus figure who tries to prevent her inevitable downfall and is later crucified.)

When I played in this pageant, I was terrible. I cannot disguise my feelings enough to act on stage; I am simply too self-conscious. As I was playing a demon / tree limb, I was supposed to swagger on across the stage and slam a nail into the hand of this boy who was playing Jesus. I'm positive I had a rictus grin plastered across my face the entire time, and I think I almost dropped the hammer. On second thought, that grin should have been plenty scary. I was also blushing like anything, which I do quite easily. And, of course, to top it all off, the boy who was playing Jesus was, shall I say, not the ugliest in the class.

Last night, the music was wonderful and engaging, the singing was both tuneful and heartfelt, and when Jesus was crucified and then resurrected and the disciples fell at his feet and worshipped, right there on stage -- ah, but there, they lost me. I remember another pageant I saw many, many years ago, where the crucifixion was off-stage -- I didn't like it at the time, but now I feel it would be preferable.

I am always of two minds when I watch a portrayal of Jesus. Part of me is overawed by the actual majesty and poignancy of the sacrifice He made for us. And then the other half is critical. How dare we even attempt to have another person act Jesus? Are we being idolatrous by having a type of icon which people are bowing down to? I know it's only on stage, but still ...

I had the same feeling when I watched The Passion. There have been many different people playing Jesus over the years, which I definitely prefer to having one, overarching personification. That, I believe, would be even more dangerous. I don't think that the people who are acting want to worship the man who acts as Jesus, but I can't help but feel that it is extremely dangerous to even make-belive to adore and worship another person. I don't think the man who plays Jesus is trying to garner any backsplash from the emotion of the moment -- but I know that I would feel extremely uncomfortable portraying anyone being worshipped. It smacks of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, and that is something I wish to avoid.

Of course, I feel uncomfortable playing at being anyone besides myself, and sometimes I even feel silly doing that!


Sorry, Liz, I know this isn't the sarcastic / chipper note you were hoping for. However, on a lighter note, the kittens are all doing fine and Beth and I had a long discussion about whether I was behaving like a gypsy, American, bohemian, or a citizen of another country altogether. I should have suggested another planet. Ah, well, there's always next time!

Heidi