Blackmail, Bribery, Life

They're just different words for the same thing.

That's what I told my sister when she was being difficult. I threatened that I wouldn't recommend anymore good books for her unless she cut it out and responded to my inquiry in a straightforward manner.

It worked.

(Evil laugh.)

Of course, now I have to look for more reading material for her. Ah, what a hardship ...

The kittens are doing well.

You know, stress makes me tired, but anticipation keeps me awake. So here I am, it's near 11pm (Don't think that's late? I usually go to bed nearer 9pm.), and I'm posting. My test is on May 6th. By now you all know that I failed the last one; this is what some might call a last chance. My opportunity to prove that I'm serious about wanting to work and support myself in a field where I have studied for 4 years. Whether because I didn't study hard enough, or because it is simply impossible for me to move my fingers fast enough (not really an option -- I have passed fast tests), if I don't pass this test --

Let's just say I have an overwhelming feeling that I could never live it down. I hate failing. I don't do it very often. Maybe that's because I don't try things I might not be able to do, but it's a fact. And now I'm getting to the point where I just don't want to talk about it. If someone asks me how my studying is going, I have to consciously steel myself to politely say, "I'm doing fine. We'll see what happens." It's the not knowing that kills you, as I've heard others acknowledge.

Maybe I'll just write some famous books and become a rich author. No, wait, isn't that word pairing on the list of oxymorons?

Heidi